THAT'S JUST HER PERFUME..."NEW DOG SCENT"

I'm in the front yard with our dog Maya, and a girl who lives on the street (I don't know her age but she's in 4th grade) walks by.

Is this your dog?

Yep, she is.

Wow, I never saw it before. Is it new?

Uhh...nope.


Look kiddo, we're not talking about a car or a sweater here. I know, I probably need to cut you some slack.* But, who asks that about a dog? Is it new? I mean, if she was a chihuahua I could understand - those things always look the same. They could be 10 days or 10 years and you'd never be able to guess. But Maya is a big, 5 year old boxer. Her muzzle is going gray! So no, my astute little friend, she is most definitely not new.

*I could possibly be feeling a bit more sensitive than normal since we just found out that we'll be spending a ridiculous amount of our cash at the vet in the very near future. It just figures that as soon as the 5 year warranty on that baby expires...shit starts breaking down.

PROPER TRAINING

I'm making small talk with a little boy that's playing at our friend's house. His name is Maddox.

So how old are you Maddox?

I'm three.

[thoughtful pause]

But when I go to Disneyland, I'm two.